Ranting Wombat: The Idiocy of Incumbency (Rugby League Editorial)

What is all this idiocy about “incumbency” when it comes to NRL representative sides? 

In the lead up to the naming of the Australian side for the completely pointless upcoming Anzac test (whole other rant for another day right there), the word incumbency was thrown around a great deal; do we go with form, or do we go with incumbency? Do some incumbents automatically deserve their spots, while others do not? How much does incumbency actually count for when the last Test match played was made up mainly of players who themselves were not actually the incumbents at the time?

These are all difficult questions…provided that you are as stupid as the Australian selectors anyway (mind you, the same goes for the NSW, and to a lesser extent, the QLD selectors as well).  The Australian side, even more so than the Origin sides (and certainly more so than the rather pointless City-Country sides), is supposed to be a reward for the BEST players in the league.

So here’s a whacky idea guys, how about you select players on like, you know, FORM?

Billy Slater, despite being the fullback for the best side in the comp, having won a grand final, and represented Queensland like the absolute star he is, has finally gotten the recognition of an Australian jersey because he is in “career best” form; news flash guys, he was still the best fullback in the comp last year…and the year before too, for that matter, and probably the year before that as well.

I’m a big fan of Darren Lockyer, but how does he get chosen after being out injured, and only having played one game this season where he didn’t start from the bench? Greg Inglis, the premiership winning 5/8 (who also won the Clive Churchill medal after the grand final) is in the Australian side…as a centre.  There are numerous other good 5/8s (as well as some versatile halfbacks) in the competition that I would argue deserve the spot more than Lockyer through the sheer fact that they’ve been playing full games and achieving some great form; does Lockyer really need yet another test jumper to his name?

How do Mark Gasnier, Willie Mason, Brent Kite or Petero Civoniceva make the Australian side; they have been playing some terrible football, and Gasnier has been out injured to boot!  The excuse is that they are the incumbents, but why should the myriad of other talented forwards, backrowers, centres, or anyone else miss out? Why is incumbency protection for these players, but the incumbent halfback Cooper Cronk has not even been mentioned in the lead up to the game? For that matter, as glad as I am that Slater is finally getting a run, shouldn’t Stewart still be fullback? I mean, these guys led the Australian side to an unprecedented 58-0 victory.

I’m in danger of posing far too many rhetorical questions here, but the whole situation is just so incredibly illogical.  You know that the system is broken when players are being put into the side and played out of position simply due to incumbency; surely there is enough in the way of quality in the competition for players to be chosen in their own positions purely on merit.  It seems every time one superstar retires, four more take his place anyway.

I mean, at the end of the day, it’s not as though Australia is particularly likely to ever actually lose these games, so what’s the risk in changing things up? By the same token, maybe if we did consistently get our arses kicked the selectors would reconsider the policy of rewarding people that are broken down or out of form (or in some cases, never had the form to begin with) simply because they might have won a game in the past (or maybe due to who their uncle was, or which club they play for…hi Mr Fulton!).

Is it too much to ask that rewarding players with a Test birth for actually being the best be the norm, rather than the exception? 

Probably.

        

- The Evil Wombat

Trackmania Nations Forever (PC) - Review

If there are three constants in this whacky, ever-evolving insane asylum we call the games industry, it’s that 1) free stuff is awesome; 2) the world needs another Stunts; and 3) seriously, free stuff is awesome!  What’s that you say? Freeware spiritual-successor to Stunts, you say? 

Welcome to Trackmania Nations Forever, the most pure fun you’ll have had in a racing game for a bloody long time.

Newly available through Steam, this wonderful little title does just about everything you could ever ask for from a racing game.  There are of course the straight point to point races and longer circuits; however Trackmania also features obstacle courses and acrobatic tracks, complete with corkscrews, loops, insane jumps, and zeppelins (possibly blimps; I’m no dirigible expert).

The singleplayer game consists of about a hundred tracks separated up into different difficulty levels, with some unlocking when certain requirements are met (like win all silver medals on the previous five tracks, or make something in the track editor).  The game follows a time trial format, rather than having multiple cars on the track competing; ghost cars are available, but there is no jostling for position or insane collisions to be found here.  The goal is to beat the gold medal time on each track, something that is generally pretty difficult, especially in later races.

The rather awesome thing about Trackmania Nations Forever is the fact that there are both national and worldwide scoreboards which keep track of times, number of medals, and other fun info; it’s pretty cool finally getting that gold you’ve been after and watching your international rank jump 2,000 spots.  These scoreboards give the Nations singleplayer a rather multiplayer feel, which is quite nice and acts as an incentive to tackle those extra tough tracks again.

Of course, there is an ACTUAL multiplayer mode on offer here, and it is so stupidly entertaining that you’ll be hard pressed to resist it; imagine 32 cars driving through insane custom created courses in their quest to post the best time on tracks that will probably give you bouts of motion sickness, and you’ll have a pretty good idea of why this rocks so hard.

Yes, you heard that correctly, Trackmania Nations Forever also contains that most wonderful of features from Stunts; the track editor.  Here you can let your wildest dreams of inverted road debauchery run wild; best of all, the editor is easy to use (including an easy and advanced mode), and works off a tile-based system that is as powerful as it is slick.  Also included is a car painter which is a tad limited in scope, but still fun to use (the Evil Wombatmobile is currently fanging around in all it’s purple-and-golden glory, complete with advertisements on the side!).

Visually the game is surprisingly attractive for a free, lower-end title; sure it may not bring your DX10 behemoth of a graphics card to its knees, but it’s still a pretty game, and scales very well on a variety of systems.  The sound effects are fine for what they are; car noises sound like car noises, and the crashes are pretty meaty sounding.  There’s music in there, but I didn’t particularly notice it one way or another; at least it’s unobtrusive.

Trackmania Nations Forever is a game that has come completely out of leftfield for me; it’s incredibly fun, surprisingly robust, and, even more surprisingly, completely free.  As an advertisement for Nadeo’s other Trackmania titles, Nations is damn impressive; it harkens back to the old days of shareware releases (although this is a far more complete game than most shareware titles ever were) that gave the player more than the five minute demos that are so common these days.  After playing Nations and really enjoying the experience, I know that I will be investigating buying the other titles in the series, and that to me says that Nations Forver is a definite winner for Nadeo.

Trackmania Nations Forever is good looking, has unlimited potential, is undeniably fun, and (best of all) is completely free; there is just absolutely no reason whatsoever not to immediately get this game.  Finally a worthy successor to Stunts has arrived in the guise of Trackmania, and it kicks some major arse!       

               

Graphics: 7/10 (Surprisingly pretty while still being scalable to a wide variety of systems; it even works on my gimp of a laptop!)

Sound: 5/10 (Nothing stands out, but nothing stands out as being awful either.)

Gameplay: 8/10 (Purely fun, and surprisingly adept at everything from straight racing to completely zany stunt courses; the occasional glitch or unforgiving stage can’t take away from just how entertaining this is)

Longevity: 10/10 (Huge singleplayer, a great multiplayer, and a track editor that is surprisingly powerful ensures that this game will keep you occupied for as long as you want to be; the other games in the series are also cross-compatible, making the game even more versatile.)

Overall: 9/10 (An amazing amount of fun at a price that’s impossible to ignore; this game really does feel like the spiritual successor to the old DOS classic Stunts, and that alone is enough to make me recommend this game.  Plus, remember, IT’S FREE!)

      

-Tim Sweeney

   

If you’re interested in having a game, add tim_the_corsair in Trackmania; or Tim the Corsair on Steam Friends for that matter.

Belkin Router, oh how I hate ye!

Hey everyone,

Have been experiencing some rather massive technical difficulties with the internet at the missus’ house, which is why the site was completely dead yesterday (didn’t even get to change the quote).

Through the power of positive thinking and ramming plugs into various other sockets, I’ve got the net working again; tis slow, but better than nothing.

Now that everything is settled there should be a couple of things going up today (to make up for the lack of content yesterday of course ;P)

I’d also like to keep encouraging people to actually post comments about my articles; I don’t mind if you hate it, just tell me why.

  

- Tim “hatez da innerwebz” Sweeney

Conan (360) - Review

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Sorry, couldn’t resist the temptation.  Actually, giving in to temptation is a good way to describe Conan (not to be confused with the upcoming MMORPG Age of Conan); this game is not going to be the one that you whip out to impress your friends with the way gaming has matured as an industry.

No, Conan is your temptation; the guilty little pleasure that you put in the drive when all you want to do is enjoy some mindless violence, hammy dialogue, and the sheer awesomeness that can only be brought about by the simultaneous decapitation, evisceration, and exsanguination of multiple Stygian foes, by Crom!

If you haven’t worked it out by now, Conan is a straight-up, slash-em-till-they-all-fall-down-dead game.  Don’t let the fancy graphics, classic sword-and-sorcery theme, and copious amounts of boobies throw you, Conan is pretty much a spiritual successor to arcade classics like Double Dragon or Streets of Rage. 

Basic gameplay works like this: Walk forward, encounter enemies, kill them with a variety of unlockable combos (which are purchased by spending points earned through killing more enemies) in four different combat styles, encounter the occasional boss with the now-obligatory quicktime sequence, and solve several incredibly simple puzzles.  Rinse, repeat, and so on.

Naturally, the combat system is the most important part of any beat’em up game, and thankfully Conan delivers a system that is a snap to pick up, but varied and robust enough to actually remain fun and accommodate different playing styles and tactics. The fighting styles, as previously mentioned, come in four different varieties: Single weapon (with optional shield); dual-wielding; two-handed weapons; and grappling moves, which can be used regardless of weapon combination, and which are always hilariously brutal (check out the piledriver; decapitation, WWE style!).

The various fighting styles are all versatile enough that you could probably get through the whole game just using a favourite; however the various enemies in the game and the coolness of the different combos encourages you to diversify, and you will definitely need to swap weapons repeatedly to get through the game on the harder levels.  In fact, it’s a pretty cool feeling to use your shield to disarm an enemy, steal his sword, kill numerous enemies with your twin weapons, throw one into the face of another demonic bad guy, and then pick up a fallen great-axe and swing it two-handed into the face of the nasty bugger with the whip coming at you; it is just that easy to adapt on the fly, and it’s pretty impressive to enjoy the freedom that the combat system endows.

Unfortunately the combat system has its downsides.  First of all, a lot of the combos are useless against many enemies, including most of those found in the later half of the game; they just shrug you off, and maybe slap you one for being stupid enough to think the attack you just spent 1600 points unlocking might actually work on them.  Other ones seem to have just been tacked on and serve no useful purpose to gameplay; kicking an enemy in the nuts is all well and good, but not when every other attack you have will be more effective, including the basic combo of X - X - X that you learn in the first seconds of play by simply button-mashing away happily.

That’s the second criticism of the combat actually; button-mashing is entirely too effective a method of getting through the game; hammering the attack buttons can often be more useful than memorising complex attack combos late in the game, as a lot of these combos are easily blockable and thus useless against tough enemies that never lower their guard; in these cases, rapid-fire simple attacks will more often break through; a pretty serious flaw.

Regardless of this, the combat system is a great deal of fun to use, and is made more robust by the parrying and mastery systems on offer.  Parrying means blocking just before an attack lands (duh), and doing this gives you a brief window to counter by pressing the nominated button; doing so successfully executes (no pun intended) a highly gory instakill, and is an immensely useful skill to have when surrounded by the enemy horde.  These parry kills are so incredibly over the top that it’s worth practicing using them just to see the stupid-coolness of flipping an enemy into the air and cutting them in half lengthways on the way down in super slow-motion.

Mastery is another intelligent design decision that helps to encourage the use of varied combos (including the weaker ones); once used enough times, a combo is considered “mastered” and will usually give some sort of bonus for being used from then on; this can be additional health for scoring the kill, or additional experience, or whatnot, and is useful in some of the more dangerous situations in the game.  There is also an unlockable magic system present in the game (which goes massively against Conan lore, but I digress), but these spells feel like mere gimmickry, and weren’t particularly useful in most situations; the ‘Song of Death’ ability is more useful, as it occurs when you quickly rack up the hits on enemies, and makes you progressively more powerful while simultaneously earning you health and other powerups.  It also has the added bonus of seeming more in keeping with the Conan universe. 

Graphically, Conan has a great deal in common with the combat system of the game; kind of cool, but enough flaws to stop it from being terrific.  The fight scenes, the gore, the lusty wenches, the various bosses, and Conan himself, are all pretty impressive to look at, with an art style that appears as though the game were “painted” on canvas, rather than just made on a computer.  This unique appearance really adds to the feeling and immersion of the game, and somewhat makes up for the fact that, in a lot of ways, Conan isn’t actually that great to look at.

Don’t get the wrong idea; all the latest bells and whistles are here, it’s just that graphical wizardry isn’t all that is needed to make a game look good.  Conan has a few flaws that speak more of deadlines during development, rather than actual graphical limitations; enemies and environments are not particularly varied, for example, and there is more than one occasion where textures appear to be decidedly low-res.  More criminally, the camera can be a massive pain in the Cimmerian, and cannot be moved by the player; it’s cinematic camera angles or nothing, baby.

The audio experience, on the other hand, has little in the way of plus sides.  The music is a decent, but typical, dark fantasy fare, and you would have heard it’s like in a million RPGs and fantasy action games in your lifetime.   The voice acting and script, unfortunately, are simply appalling; Conan comes across like a bellowing simpleton (which, despite the “the Barbarian” moniker, he is not actually meant to be), and the supporting cast are so clichéd that you’ll die a little inside every time one of them shouts out another hackneyed line in their best faux-English accents.

However, it is pretty easy to brush off the plot (the plot itself actually isn’t THAT bad, although it is highly predictable; I’d guessed what was going to happen before the opening cutscene had finished) and appalling voice acting in what is the gaming equivalent of a Jean Claude van Damme movie.  The problem with Conan, however, is the fact that there exist numerous problems with the game that aren’t quite as easy to ignore.

The first time you fall through the floor of a level, you’ll probably put it down to a bit of bad luck; the second time, it might be a little more annoying; when it’s happened four more times, you’ve had multiple saves corrupt, the console has locked up repeatedly, and the camera has gotten stuck in a wall for the umpteenth time, you’ll realise pretty rapidly that Conan was a game that needed about six months more time in the QA department.  I have never played a console game as buggy as this; even the incredible bug-fest that was Knights of the Old Republic 2 had less problems, and “most buggy console release ever” is the kind of accolade no company should want for their product.

The other major problem with Conan is, of course, the fact that the whole thing is horribly shallow.  Is the game derivative (yes, yes, God of War people, we all see the similarities)? Of course it is, but this isn’t much of a criticism; Conan brings enough new stuff to the table, like the setting and the varied combat system, that it manages to stand tall on its own, ruggedly masculine feet.  The problem is that the game feels exactly the same from start to finish; you’ll tap the same buttons in the same situations to achieve the same results, with the only difference being that enemies get tougher and the architecture changes.  Even your rewards stay the same; chained up busty maidens, potions, and treasure chests reoccur ad infinitum, with nary a change beyond hair shade or nipple colour (seriously…).

The boss fights are sometimes awe-inspiring (keep an eye out for the dragon in particular), but the basic enemies get boring fast, and many enemies in the later game have such annoyingly frustrating attack routines that the game becomes a chore to play; difficulty is fine, but enemies with unblockable attacks that slide you off a cliff repeatedly does not a fun game make.  And lets have a quick show of hands here; who’s sick of fighting bosses using quicktime button presses? Everyone? Good then.   Wouldn’t rather fight the bad guys in real time without the prettiness, instead of tapping B - Y - X during a cutscene so you can watch the character unload on the giant squid; God of War fans might disagree, but this author thinks that taking the player out of the action like this is just a lazy design decision.

Conan is a big, dumb game that delivers some big, dumb fun.  Hack’n’slash action has rarely been delivered in such a complex but fun form, but the price for a robust combat system is limitations on practically every other aspect of the gameplay, not to mention a whole shed-load of bugs and glitches.  If you pick up a copy of Conan, you are pretty much guaranteed to have some fun; how much depends on how easily entertained you are.  If you can ignore the numerous flaws, you’ll get a good, solid 7 hours of gruesome fun; if all the negatives spoken about in this review are enough to tick you off dramatically, then maybe give it a miss; even if you love this kind of thing, I would suggest a rental first, just in case.

In short, there is a great deal of solid-but-simple entertainment to be found in Conan; just don’t go in expecting this to be the gaming equivalent of War and Peace; maybe War and Pieces?

Oh Crom, sorry about that one…

               

Graphics: 7.5/10 (Interesting artistic style, good graphics, but flawed in places.)

Sound: 5/10 (Decent music manages to just drag this up into the realm of barely average; voice acting is terrible, and combat sound effects are uninspired.)

Gameplay: 7/10 (A fun combat system and good boss fights, but let down by some poor design choices, a veritable smorgasbord of bugs, and an overreliance on quicktime events; do we need to have one for EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DOOR?!)

Longevity: 4/10 (No multiplayer hurts; this game would have been perfect in co-op.  The singleplayer game has three difficulties, with a fourth unlockable, but there is little reason to play through again unless you are a sucker for unlockable game art or an achievement whore.)

Overall: 7/10 (An unintelligent but generally entertaining old-school slash’em up.  Hardly inspired, but hardly terrible, the main downside here is bugs and a lack of new ideas.  If you enjoy a bit of nonsensical violence and some good ol’ fashioned swords and sorcery, you could do far worse than Conan; just hope that the game will actually work on your system!)

      

-Tim Sweeney the Barbarian

A bevy of game reviews

Hey everyone,

After a bit of a hiatus from reviews (thanks to my 5 part feature on gaming villains), I’ve now got a veritable smorgasboard of game reviews coming up, including some oldies, some newies, and some crapies.

In other good news I officially almost have my first paid articles; officially almost because the deadline isn’t until June, which means no moolah until then. Even so it’s awesome news, and there are some pretty esteemed publications involved.  More news on this when the time is right.

The first game review should be up in an hour or so, Crom willing ;)

  

- Tim Sweeney

Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time (Part 5) - Feature

Interesting villains in videogames can be surprisingly hard to come by.  Thanks to the veritable bevy of clones, cheap knockoffs, strange Japanese games, and sheer, unadulterated crap on the market, it’s easy to find one’s attention wandering when pondering which bad guys are actually worthy of the title, and thus your time.

But of course, like moustachioed, beret wearing wheat being sifted from the generic, nuke-possessing, stupid-name-wielding chaff (how’s THAT for a metaphor?), there are a few examples of true, interesting, honest-to-Bill-Gates villains just waiting to receive your worship and adulation…before executing you in true villain style, no doubt.

For you see, complex characters (good or bad) are always about motivation; a bad guy that wants to destroy the world simply because he was christened Baron von Evilpants III is not going to be anywhere near as interesting as a character who wants to destroy the world due to the unbridled torment and infinite pain caused by selling his soul to the Chaos God of Confectionary for immortality and an endless supply of Tiny Teddies.  Even when they’re our enemy, we still want to know why they tick, and we definitely want the ticking to have some sort of significance.   

So in order to honour those villains (or really, the writers behind them) that stimulate our collective minds, and to help you all get your evil on, I’d like to present to you this, the first part of my Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time; they may not always be the nastiest bad guys you’ve ever come across, but they’re definitely more than just the clichéd, caricatures you see in so many games (and movies, and books, and…).

Alas we’ve reached the end of the list, but at least we’re going to go out with a bang.  I hope everyone is ready for a bit of a swerve, because Tim Sweeney’s Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time is about to make you it’s bitch!

   

John Romero - Doom II, id Software, Ion Storm, Midway, various others (PC/OTHERS/REAL LIFE)

      

In my defence, I’d like to go on the record by stating two things: Firstly, I never actually stated that the villains in question had to be IN the games; secondly, Romero was technically the final boss of Doom II, so he still counts anyway (for those not in the know, the Icon of Sin boss in Doom II is killed by firing rockets through a hole in it’s head; the splash damage from these rockets hit Romero’s decapitated head, thus killing the boss - see the video below).

For those not in the know, John Romero was sort of the first real “celebrity” to grace the gaming industry.  Don’t get me wrong, many people were well known and popular throughout the industry, but Romero cultivated a kind of rock star image for himself which made him stand out.  At first, his budding celebrity was somewhat justified; this guy was directly involved in multiple genre-defining classics, especially during his stay at id Software; Wolfenstein 3D, Doom I and II, Quake, Heretic, he was involved in them all, as well as numerous popular titles on older systems (such as the Apple II).

In retrospect, however, it seems somewhat obvious that Romero’s seemingly constant successes and growing popularity went straight to his head, leading to him leaving the studio to help found brand-new industry giant Ion Storm.  Romero would be heading up the development of new first person shooter Daikatana, and the patron saint of FPS would ensure that Daikatana would be the greatest game ever; in fact, in what has to be one of the stupidest (and most likely to backfire) advertising campaigns in history, Romero assured us all in 1997 that he was going to “make you his bitch.”

  

The problem was that Daikatana’s budget and development schedule ballooned rapidly out of control, and no one was being made anybody’s bitch until three years later when the thoroughly awful game was finally released.  Unfortunately for John and Ion Storm, the only bitch-making going on was done by the media; Romero and Daikatana were lambasted in a way that still sees it regularly feature on “Worst Game of All Time” lists, although it must be said that the game nonetheless made enough sales to at least recoup the money spent on it.

Daikatana’s failure, combined with the similar failures of other Ion Storm properties (such as the criminally underrated Anachronox), as well as some stupidly extravagant spending practices, led to the Dallas studio being shut down and Romero packing his bags; since then he’s travelled to numerous different games studios, and appears to have generally screwed up royally at those as well, including apparently being fired from Midway.

What’s the moral of this sad story you ask? I mean, making fun of John Romero has become something akin to insulting David Hasselhoff these days; all too easy.  It’s not that Romero is untalented; he definitely has to be to have had so many hits to his name, and to have completed so much genuinely quality work.  Rather, I think that Romero is another example of a very typical celebrity fad which occurs in the various entertainment industries all the time.

How many talented actors have we seen attempt to direct a movie and fail miserably; how many singers have screwed up when trying to be actors?  Tonnes of them, and I think John Romero is just another example of this phenomenon. Hubris baby, hubris; a game designer does not a rock star make.

Romero is a talented game designer who has been responsible for numerous hits, but he didn’t do all the work himself, and making Doom and Quake didn’t automatically ensure that everything he touches turns to gold.

What makes Romero such an interesting “villain” of gaming is the fact that he allowed his own ego to get in the way of what he gets paid for; making good games.  He’s obviously a talented guy, and it can be hoped that he will redeem himself with future endeavours; but in the meantime, he’ll always be remembered as the guy that was more focused on his playmate ex-girlfriend and customised Ferrari than he was on actually making games that weren’t crap.

“To win the game, you must kill me, John Romero!”  

                  

And thus ends the Top 5 Most Interesting Game Villains of All Time; I admit that there were many, many villains that could have been listed here, but I thought this was a nice little mixture of the well known and the somewhat out there. 

What do you think? Drop me a message or an email and let me know.

  

- Tim Sweeney

  

(Please note that all images and videos appearing in this article series are not my property, but were instead sourced from Google Images and Youtube for non-commercial purposes; if there is an issue with my making use of these, please contact me and they will be removed immediately)

Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time (Part 4) - Feature

Interesting villains in videogames can be surprisingly hard to come by.  Thanks to the veritable bevy of clones, cheap knockoffs, strange Japanese games, and sheer, unadulterated crap on the market, it’s easy to find one’s attention wandering when pondering which bad guys are actually worthy of the title, and thus your time.

But of course, like moustachioed, beret wearing wheat being sifted from the generic, nuke-possessing, stupid-name-wielding chaff (how’s THAT for a metaphor?), there are a few examples of true, interesting, honest-to-Bill-Gates villains just waiting to receive your worship and adulation…before executing you in true villain style, no doubt.

For you see, complex characters (good or bad) are always about motivation; a bad guy that wants to destroy the world simply because he was christened Baron von Evilpants III is not going to be anywhere near as interesting as a character who wants to destroy the world due to the unbridled torment and infinite pain caused by selling his soul to the Chaos God of Confectionary for immortality and an endless supply of Tiny Teddies.  Even when they’re our enemy, we still want to know why they tick, and we definitely want the ticking to have some sort of significance.   

So in order to honour those villains (or really, the writers behind them) that stimulate our collective minds, and to help you all get your evil on, I’d like to present to you this, the first part of my Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time; they may not always be the nastiest bad guys you’ve ever come across, but they’re definitely more than just the clichéd, caricatures you see in so many games (and movies, and books, and…).

Now it’s time to leave fantasy behind and head back into the world of sci-fi.  Our fourth interesting villain is quite possibly my most favourite character to ever grace a video game; and yes, he still lives…:

   

Kane - Command & Conquer Series (PC/OTHERS) 

Fight!

Win!

Prevail!

If any character in gaming history has ever summed up what it is to be an interesting villain, it is the messiah-like figure that is Kane.  He is the Prophet of the Brotherhood of Nod; the semi-religious, entirely terrorist organisation which exists in the alternate reality Command and Conquer Universe originally brought to us by Westwood Studios (now swallowed whole by the uber-beast that is EA).

But the back story of Kane goes far further than his merely being the L. Ron Hubbard of C&C; throughout the various games in the series, it is frequently implied that Kane is none other than Cain from the biblical story of Adam and Eve; you know the one that became the first murderer by killing his brother Abel, and was banished by God (who was apparently a lot more active back in those days; less carbs in His diet?) to forever wander the land of Nod. He’s also been blamed for starting WW2 by controlling Stalin in an alternate-future (this is no longer canon, unfortunately) , and is apparently immortal; he’s well over a hundred years old (possibly thousands if he is the biblical Cain), has been impaled, and even supposedly killed by an orbital laser cannon!

Played by Joe Kucan (who was the FMV director for Westwood), Kane became an instant classic when he ruthlessly executed his traitorous lackey Seth on camera during a cutscene in the original C&C (Tiberian Dawn).  Over the course of the numerous games and expansion packs, Kane continues to show a truly villainous ruthless streak, frequently killing underlings who betray or fail him, experimenting on his own followers and innocent civilians with the alien (and highly deadly) Tiberium crystals, and seeing his entire loyal organisation as little more than an expendable tool to aid his own “ascension”.

Besides being a total bad arse, however, the main selling point of Kane as an incredibly interesting villain is the sheer magnetism and charisma that Joe Kucan brings to the part.  I’ve referred to this man as being immensely scary for how well he portrays a sociopathic character like Kane, and those comments still stand; it is impossible to imagine any actor ever playing this role as well as Kucan, because he IS Kane.

His performance as the Prophet is a masterfully feverish portrayal of a man who believes wholeheartedly that he is the Messiah of mankind; and woe betide any fool who gets in the way of the Brotherhood using the Technology of Peace to aid humanity’s (and Kane’s own) ascension to the next evolutionary stage.  Every immensely quotable speech he makes is packed full of such meaning and sense of purpose that it is perfectly feasible to imagine the poor and downtrodden of a ruined world flocking to him in droves to “save” them.

The fact that he is as tactically savvy and cunningly manipulative as he is charismatic ensures that the Brotherhood of Nod will always go from strength to strength, even with the occasional temporary setback like being pretty much annihilated repeatedly (cough).  Kane routinely manipulates the media, various governments, the Global Defence Initiative (the successor to the UN), and even his own organisation to achieve his ends; he has often faked his death where necessary, and even engineered the appointment of a particular politician as leader of GDI just to manipulate him into destroying Kane’s Temple with the Ion Cannon, thus awakening the alien Scrin and beginning the invasion of Earth (also a part of Kane’s overarching goals); talk about convoluted long-term planning that would make Machiavelli’s head explode!

Kane really is the ultimate interesting villain, combining the maniacal-yet-enthralling oratory skills of a Hitler with the military genius of a Napoleon; not to mention the willingness to sacrifice his own people possessed by Stalin.  Whether fighting with or against him, every time Kane appears he will command your attention, and I challenge anyone to tell me that they have never been drawn to the idea of joining the Brotherhood simply due to the sheer power and magnetism of his presence.

Peace through Power! 

                  

Kane gives Seth a rapid demotion (sound lags a bit behind the video unfortunately, still awesome)

     

Only one more left now; Kane is such an incredible villain, who is worthy enough to follow him in this list? Stay tuned for tomorrow when the next classic villain is revealed.

  

- Tim Sweeney

   

(Please note that all images and videos appearing in this article series are not my property, but were instead sourced from Google Images and Youtube for non-commercial purposes; if there is an issue with my making use of these, please contact me and they will be removed immediately)

Ranting Wombat: E-General Cyber-Court Marshalled Me for E-Dereliction of My Online Duties!

Bitching about people that play games online is a bit like making fun of the crapness of Mark Gasnier; it’s good for a cheap laugh at first, but at the end of the day it’s such an obvious thing to do that it get’s kind of sad.  People that play CS and all the rest are morons; we know, we know, get some new material already.

But recently I’ve begun to experience a more sinister online game player.  Unlike the teamkilling, randomly swearing, childishness of your average 14 year old Counterstrike player, this person is an older, more subtle beast; one prepared to charm you with his slightly-older-than-14 wiles and ability to almost string a grammatical sentence together.

I like to call him the E-General (I didn’t coin the term), and most recently I have been encountering the blighter in Team Fortress 2, having previously encountered them in pretty much every team based game I’ve ever played. 

He seems nice enough at first, the E-General, talking over the microphone and giving “suggestions” on where to go, who should be what class, and overall strategy.  When you’re winning, everything seems to be going swimmingly, and the E-General doesn’t cause too much in the way of annoyance; mainly he just congratulates everyone on a job well done, and maybe takes a little more of the credit than he deserves, but nothing terribly bad.

It’s when the team starts losing that this absolute slapper comes into his own realm of pure arse.  Suddenly his “suggestions” rapidly turn to “orders”; if he feels that you aren’t pulling your weight and contributing to the team, then he will damn well tell you about it.  He’ll also tell you what you should be doing instead, what class you should be playing as, and whether you’re the direct descendent of some form of inbred goat, or more just the child of a garden variety female dog.  When his orders are disobeyed, his full wrath is felt through a combination of verbal abuse, high-pitch whining, and attempts to ruin any sense of enjoyment you were getting from the game.

What’s even worse is the fact that there is no easy way to deal with the problem of the E-General.  Inevitably a few players will resist his ministrations, refusing to be ordered around by a teenager with a god complex (or worse, the middle-aged armchair general); unfortunately such acts of resistance are usually just as disruptive to everyone’s enjoyment, if not more so. 

Other players will just assume the position and listen wholeheartedly; these players subsequently sacrifice their own enjoyment for what this joker tells them is the betterment of the team.  Of course, he’s most likely an idiot who couldn’t come up with a successful strategy if he had both Sun Tzu and Mat Cauthon giving him advice.

Even if the guy is the next coming of Alexander the Great, it’s still no excuse to act like such a complete turd to everyone else in a server.  Just like any other fun activity, whether playing soccer with friends down at the park or, yes, playing games on the internet; generally speaking, things become a lot less entertaining when some idiot starts treating it like a real-life struggle of epic proportions.

I don’t advocate mucking around to the point you aren’t playing the game properly (because this impacts on the fun of everyone else playing, which is awfully like what the E-General is doing), but I do encourage people to simply play for fun and enjoy themselves, rather than treating every game as a must-win competition; losing at a game should still be enjoyable, albeit probably not as much as winning (just being realistic here).

Games are, at the end of the day, supposed to be about a combination of personal enjoyment and enjoyment as a group; when people start throwing orders around, and a win at all costs attitude develops, it just becomes another job.

Let’s leave turning fun into work to the athletes and leet pro gamerz of the world, shall we?  

        

- The Evil Wombat

100 posts!

Well holy hell!

At some point when I wasn’t looking, it appears that I’ve written a total of 100 different articles and news posts on this odd little website of mine (101 counting this one anyway, but I digress).

Shocking hey?

I’d like to think that at least most of them are worth reading, but if nothing else I still reckon that’s pretty remarkable for one bloke working in his spare time in between trying to maintain his relationship and even earn a living.

Anyway, enough of the self high-fives.  I’d like to thank everyone that has been reading the site and leaving me feedback, and I hope that you’ll continue to read, tell your friends, and think of me when you meet that person who desperately wants to hire a journalist with little experience and a great deal of opinion ;)

Now onto 200!

   

- Tim “I love youse all” Sweeney

Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time (Part 3) - Feature

Interesting villains in videogames can be surprisingly hard to come by.  Thanks to the veritable bevy of clones, cheap knockoffs, strange Japanese games, and sheer, unadulterated crap on the market, it’s easy to find one’s attention wandering when pondering which bad guys are actually worthy of the title, and thus your time.

But of course, like moustachioed, beret wearing wheat being sifted from the generic, nuke-possessing, stupid-name-wielding chaff (how’s THAT for a metaphor?), there are a few examples of true, interesting, honest-to-Bill-Gates villains just waiting to receive your worship and adulation…before executing you in true villain style, no doubt.

For you see, complex characters (good or bad) are always about motivation; a bad guy that wants to destroy the world simply because he was christened Baron von Evilpants III is not going to be anywhere near as interesting as a character who wants to destroy the world due to the unbridled torment and infinite pain caused by selling his soul to the Chaos God of Confectionary for immortality and an endless supply of Tiny Teddies.  Even when they’re our enemy, we still want to know why they tick, and we definitely want the ticking to have some sort of significance.   

So in order to honour those villains (or really, the writers behind them) that stimulate our collective minds, and to help you all get your evil on, I’d like to present to you this, the first part of my Top 5 Most Interesting Gaming Villains of All Time; they may not always be the nastiest bad guys you’ve ever come across, but they’re definitely more than just the clichéd, caricatures you see in so many games (and movies, and books, and…).

Achtung! Who in gaming land can follow on from Adolf Hitler? To find out, we must head to the world of Faerun in the Forgotten Realms:

   

Jon Irenicus - Baldur’s Gate II: Shadows of Amn (PC)

The insane wizard lusting for the power of the Gods is hardly a new theme in fantasy; hell, it’s gotten so downright common that it’s a bit of a cliché really, almost as though there’s a little ad appearing in the fantasy classifieds saying: “Wanted: one unhinged but nonetheless highly intelligent evil wizard w/ grudge and/or burning desire for revenge.  At least fifty years necromancy experience required; knowledge of Godly Pantheon and ability to freeze time/steal souls/summon demons is a bonus.  For more information please contact every unoriginal fantasy author ever,”…well, you get the point.

Jon Irenicus (literally “Jon the Shattered One” in Elven or Elvish or Elvaliscious or whatever the language of Elves is called) is just such a maniacal, power-hungry Wizard who lusts for revenge and the power to become a God.  Unlike many such clichéd characters, however, he rises above expectations and manages to be a character with a tragic past who is nonetheless purely evil and utterly unworthy of any sympathy; quite the heady mix really, especially when you take into account the fact that he is more than powerful enough to accomplish his goals of Godhood, all out war, and making people explode messily.

Baldur’s Gate 2 opens with the now rather infamous scene of Irenicus torturing the player character, supposedly for the purpose of unlocking his/her “inner potential”.  After the inevitable escape (even a smart villain like Irenicus apparently refuses to believe that killing your enemies quickly is the way to go, preferring long speeches and poorly-made prison cells), the player is immediately introduced to the dichotomy of Jon’s character; on the one hand you’re in a dungeon, filled with evil creatures, evidence of torture, and gruesome experiments; on the other, Jon’s obsession with a former love also comes to the fore through his careful preservation of old memories and his attempts to recreate what was lost.

Similar events occur throughout the game; Jon kills without compunction or mercy, and starts wars for his own selfish gain, and yet displays a kind of love for his vampiric sister, and seemingly yearns for the past and the tragic love which led to his downfall.  His plight would tug at the heart-strings, except of course for the fact that all the tragedies which befell him were entirely self inflicted; one doesn’t try to replace a God without having nasty motives by the truckload, not to mention stepping on a few toes along the way!

The pure malevolence directed toward the player character, his/her sister, and their companions is really what makes Irenicus such an enthralling villain; every step of the game sees him do something worse to the player; from murdering a former companion early on, to the kidnap and torture of your sister, to quite literally ripping the soul from your body and taking it as his own. Irenicus’ actions may be those of a sadist, but he never strays into the realm of “evil for evil’s sake”; Every single action this bad boy takes is leading towards the accomplishment of his goals: the destruction of the Elves and his ascension to the Elven Pantheon as a God…assumedly as the God of Megalomaniacal and Highly Convoluted Evil Plots.

It is this that makes Jon Irenicus such a superbly memorable and important gaming villain; he is a character to be pitied, but never sympathised with; he is never a farcical, chaotic “supervillain” in his evil, but is rather a methodical and callous genius with no remorse or sense of mercy for those he seeks to use, or who get in his way; he is powerful enough that ascension to Godhood is entirely possible if he is not stopped, and stopping him never feels particularly likely due to just how well he manages to stay ahead of the player in both his plotting and his sheer power.

In short, Jon Irenicus is a complex villain in the way that all villains should be: Scary, powerful, intelligent, and always lurking, waiting to strike; you never know when or where he will come at you, but it is always guaranteed that he will, and you’ll never walk away unscathed.  The best villains are the ones which make you want nothing more than to end their existence, and the power-hungry Joneleth the Shattered One is certainly one of the best.  Just don’t expect him to make it easy for you.

Jon Irenicus slaps Imoen and some Cowled Wizards around simply because he can

                       

The third entry is done and dusted, as is Jon Irenicus thankfully (no supervillain comebacks here…hopefully, since rumour has it BG3 is on the way). Stay tuned for tomorrow when the next classic villain is revealed.

  

- Tim Sweeney

  

(Please note that all images and videos appearing in this article series are not my property, but were instead sourced from Google Images and Youtube for non-commercial purposes; if there is an issue with my making use of these, please contact me and they will be removed immediately)